One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Reaching the age of 40 and the decision

Read this highly amusing blog entry in the Huffington post about turning 40 and all the questions that childfree women get asked - like are you going to see a fertility specialist?

I guess my only caveat would be that - it doesn't seem like the author has definately choosen a childfree life yet.  And she mentions that it is a social driven biological clock fear.  But, it is true that the odds of having a baby do go down fairly sharply after 40!  Although, as one person who commented on this post said 40 is the new 30 - the reality is that our biology says otherwise.  Women can start entering the menopause at 45.

I know I sound like the voice of doom and gloom - but I'm really, really glad if people choose to be childfree - it's just that if you do want kids, it's a heck of alot easier to conceive in your 30's than early 40's.  But, then, this blogger talks about all the benefits of being childfree - so that probably is her choice at the end of the day.

Friday, 25 July 2008

Making the Choice

I found this really interesting and thoughtful blog post on making the decisions - basically the blogger was saying how our actions speak to the choices we make in life around this issue.  

Some of you have asked how the book is progressing - it is going well!  I totally revamped my sample chapter for my literary agent - basically I realised the chapter I had written was actually three chapters in one! And this means it was really unfocussed.  And I didn't have enough practical exercises/tips/advice etc that a self-help bool really needs to have!!!  So, I've given the book to 3 readers who are going to make thoughtful and helpful comments.  And then off to the literary agents.

Friday, 18 July 2008

My Husband doesn't want a baby but I do

Another familiar tale - this time in the advice column in the Mirror newspaper.

As many of my regular readers know, this is a common issue.

For me, the important thing is to keep the lines of communication.

But ultimately, if your partner doesn't want a baby and is clear about that - then you need to be clear too. Do you want to stay in this relationship and be childfree or go?

For the reader in this situation, being only 24 helps alot!! She's got plenty of time to think about it and decide. For women in their mid 30's however, the issue is less easy as time is not on their side.

Tuesday, 8 July 2008

I love this blog!

I really love this woman blogger - Holly Hoffman and her blog WORKLOVELIFE

She wrote this great post called Why I might be ok with having children Such a fantastic look at the dilmma - like, looking at people with kids and how they seem to make it work, how she could see herself having kids when she is with them. And then with the families that don't make her want to have children.

That's the thing - every family is completely different, every one has it's own dynamics, problems issues. Some work well, some are disfunctional. And, we never really know, we can never be certain what kind of family we'll have!

Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Happiness and having or not having kids

A columnist recently wrote about recent research showing that people who have children are less happy than those that are childfree. Here article can be found here

I thought her article was fairly balanced - many of the comments to the article less so!

She quotes from the research saying:

"Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers," says Florida State University's Robin Simon, a sociology professor who's conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13,000 Americans by the National Survey of Families and Households. "In fact, no group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It's such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they're not."

The columnist goes on to say:

Parents may openly lament their lack of sleep, hectic schedules and difficulty in dealing with their surly teens, but rarely will they cop to feeling depressed due to the everyday rigors of child rearing. "If you admit that kids and parenthood aren't making you happy, it's basically blasphemy," says Jen Singer, a stay-at-home mother of two from New Jersey who runs the popular parenting blog "From baby-lotion commercials that make motherhood look happy and well rested, to commercials for Disney World where you're supposed to feel like a kid because you're there with your kids, we've made parenthood out to be one blissful moment after another, and it's disappointing when you find out it's not.....

For the childless, all this research must certainly feel redeeming. As for those of us with kids, well, the news isn't all bad. Parents still report feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their lives than those who've never had kids. And there are other rewarding aspects of parenting that are impossible to quantify....Perhaps it just comes down to how you see the candy dish—half empty or half full. Or at least as a parent, that's what I'll keep telling myself.'