One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Is the decision to have children a rational decision?

I love this article that was published in the Guardian this Saturday.

The article looks at research that has shown that using rational decision making processes may not necessarily help in the decision making any more than 'listening to your gut' or your instinct.

That's why as a coach I often work with helping clients listen to their instinct, and I use creative techniques such as visulazations, standing up and shifting perspectives, exploring polarities (i.e. freedom vs autonomy) that they may be struggling with. And I do more and more work around conscious embodiment - which is around listening to the wisdom of the body. So I might ask a client - so what do you feel in your body when you think about this decision. Or I might say so what would your heart say if it had a voice?

When I am first talking to a client who is particularly analyatic and rational I usually ask 'So has their analyatic mind and rational thought process helped them get any closer to making a decision about whether to have a child or not. The answer is inevitably no.

That's because the decision to have children is definately not a rational one. No amount of listing pros and cons can really help - we need to engage our emotions and our creative sides to help us with this dilemma.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Do parents ever regret their decision?

I took part in a discussion on BBC Radio Scotland on the subject of regret - do parents ever regret having children? You can listen to it hear - but only for the next 6 days!

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Common Challenges: 'I want children but my husband (or boyfriend doesn't)'

This is a problem that can be particularly tricky.

You are in a relationship. You love him. You had dreams about having a family.

And yet.

He doesn't want a children. There may be many reasons for this including:

- he already has a child or children from another relationship.
- he thinks he is too young or not ready.
- he has never wanted children - maybe you never discussed this or maybe it wasn'tan issue before in your relationship.

SO, you've got some questions you need to work through to - do you want children more than the relationship if he is adamant he doesn't want kids? Or is there a way you can discuss this with your partner so he will listen? What if he doesn't change his mind? Would you be prepared to go off and 'do it alone' as a single mum? Or try to find another relationship?

There are no easy answers - I've worked with women who have decided to stay in a relationship and they had to do some work on letting go of the dream of having children, and then, looking at what they would be positively bringing into their future. I've worked with some women who have decided that they would leave the relationship - because they felt that yes, they did want a child more than the relationship and they didn't want to leave with the regret of not having a child. And for some women, the refusal of their partner to discuss or look at the issue meant that they realised the relationship was not want they wanted.

For everyone in this position, this is a challenge in life that we have to face head on and do what feels most incongruent with our values, our vision of what we are wanting in our life and with what our deepest inituition tells us is the right move.