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I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Monday, 25 June 2018

Tracee Ellis - I'm tired of people asking me about whether I'm going to have children

What is one of the MOST annoying things that happens to women who haven't made the decision yet whether they are having children?   For many of my clients, it's those constant questions about when .. and whether .... you will be having children is one of the things that drives  them crazy.   It seems really strange.  Having children is one of the most personal and important decisions someone can make.  So why do near strangers, work colleagues and acquaintances feel empowered to ask this question?

This was reflected in a recent interview with Tracee Ellis, the start of the amazing US show 'Blackish'.   (Note: I LOVE this show by the way - it is shown sometimes here in the UK television but doesn't have a regular, mainstream slot so I pick it up on Amazon Prime.  It's focused on a Black middle class family in the US and it's is funny AND packs a a powerful political message in every episode.)

As reported in this article Black-ish’ Star Tracee Ellis Ross Sets the Record Straight on Her Decision Not to Have Children (Yet)

"Well, I will say two things. I have not made a final decision that I am not having children. It is a personal choice that I will make when I’m comfortable, and it’s not a conversation that I have with people. I also want to be clear that my choices around being a mother have nothing to do with my career, they are not connected." 

I have a theory that people feel comfortable asking women about this personal choice because we still see women's choices around fertility and pro-creation as being in the public realm.  It's still viewed as a decision that everyone can comment upon!  And it doesn't stop when you have made the decision.  If you decide to have children, then you will find people commenting on your pregnancy (what you should or shouldn't eat or drink for instance or finding complete strangers commenting on your 'Baby Bump').  And often, people who have decided not to have children will find people asking why or making comments on their choice.   In a post I wrote last year, I give some helpful hints on how to deal with intrusive questions in this blog post  on Surviving Intrusive Questions 

And if you need a snappy retort to someone who is speculating on your fertility status, you can always refer to the great Eleanor Roosevelt once said 'Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.'