One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

When friends have children

When your friends start having children, it can feel like you've been abandoned.  I thought this was an interesting article from a mother who talks about the importance of staying close to friends who don't have children.  This came out of her own experience.

'Pre-baby, I didn't think much about there being a great baby divide between women. As my friends slowly started to have children, I realized that I didn't see them as much as before, but I didn't worry too much about our friendships changing until I was the only childless one present at a friend's child's birthday party one year. While everyone talked baby this and baby that around me, I felt completely left out of the conversation. I cared about their kids, but I had nothing to contribute.'

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Do you think that people who choose not to have children are selfish?

I was invited to speak to recent comments by the Pope that people who do not have children are selfish on LBC Radio Today.  I had an interesting discussion with the presenter Shelagh Fogarty

(You can read more about the Pope's comments in this article Pope Francis: The Choice to Not Have Children is Selfish )

We need to recognise the diverse ways that people can contribute to our communities and to the lives of others  in all sorts of ways.   People who do not have children often have more time and energy to give to other people in the community.  Many people without children are also involved in the lives of friends children or nieces or nephews.  Or they are supporting and looking after elderly relatives.
It's disappointing that the Pope didn't acknowledge the great contribution that many people without children make - indeed the Catholic church is made up of people who have decided not to have children in order to live a life of service.

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Regrets about not having children.

I often talk to clients who wonder if they will feel regret about not having children when they are older.

For my book, I interviewed older childfree women and several mentioned that occasionally they do feel a twinge of regret but that on the whole they felt find with their choice not to have children.

I was reminded of this when I read this lovely letter that a child free woman wrote to a child she could have had in a parallel universe.

I think that it's natural to wonder about a path that we didn't take and feel a twinge of sadness about what might have been.

Monday, 9 February 2015

Last week, there was an interesting discussion on BBC Radio 4's Women's Hour programme on women who want to have sterilization in their 20's and early 30's.  Many women who do want sterilization in their 20's or 30's are refused it - and one of the arguments used is that the woman might change her mind and want children after she had made this irreversible decision.

 Three women were interviewed - one woman who was sure in her 20's she didn't want children, one woman who did wait to see if she would change her mind but didn't, and one woman who thought she didn't want children but did change her mind.   You can listen to the podcast by going to this link and going to the podcast for Feb 5th.

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Worried I will lose freedom if I have children?

In my coaching practice, I call upon polarities work a lot when I am working with people can't decide whether they want to be parents or not.

One of the common polarities that comes up again and again is FREEDOM VS COMMITTMENT/STRUCTURE

Clients who are struggling with this polarity often report:

- Loving their freedom & independence!
- Valuing spontaneity and the ability to do 'what I want, when I want'
- Feeling constricted or suffocated by the idea of mundane routines associated by having children
- Hating the idea of predictability

Yet usually in the pole that we are rejecting or that we find difficult to be with are positive aspects that could help & support us in life as well.

The key is to see if you can find ways to combine the positive aspects of freedom with the positive aspects of committment. Would the committment or structure of having a child be different is you knew you were still able to have freedom and independence?

Monday, 2 February 2015

Who is going to care for me in old age?

An article appears in the Times today on this issue I've been exploring here on the blog - really important that it is being discussed and explored by policy makers.  You can read the article here at the Gateway Women (an organisation for women who are childless not by choice)