One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Relegated to the worst room in the house for Christmas

'Every year I go back home for Christmas and my sister, who has a partner and a child gets the big guest room.  Meanwhile, I find myself on an uncomfortable mattress on the floor in a cold junk room. It makes me feel even worse about not having children, around not being in a conventional relationship when I get relegated to this depressing room'

Over the years, I have heard a similar story from clients who are single and who return to their parents home for Christmas.  Although obviously there are many practical reasons for being put in the less comfortable position in the house, it can feel like a symbolic put-down.   While it might not be of much comfort, many other people are in a similar position - as illustrated by this rather amusing photo blog Christmas Sleeping Arrangements

But of course, it's not just about the room you are sleeping in.  It can feel difficult when you are in the middle of conventional families having a good time when you aren't sure about having children or if you are having to make a difficult decision that you aren't going to have children because the circumstances aren't right.   If this is you, right now, reading this blog, remember you aren't alone! Try to get away from the family, go for a walk, or reconnect with other friends over social media - make a few arrangements for when you return from the break.

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Elizabeth Gilbert, Author of the bestselling Eat, Pray and Love has made a decision not to have children.  I think its important for women who are thinking about not having children to have role models of women who have made this choice and feel positive about it.  She explains this in this interview.

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Choosing motherhood as an artist

While people often assume that the majority of my clients are high flying women in careers like finance, I have seen a fair number of women in the creative industries who have struggled with the decision whether to have children or not.  

Amanda Palmer wrote a heartfelt piece about her decision to have a child as an artist. 

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Single Motherhood doesn't make mothers unhappy

Some of my clients are considering whether they want to go ahead whether they want to have a child on their own or not. 

This article says that being a single mom

Does having or not having children impact you later in life?

I've referred to this study "Deciding When To Have A Child, If Ever: The Impacts Later In Life."  on my blog a few years ago but I think it's worth revisiting.

The study questioned 6000 women to determine whether having children or not affected their happiness in later life.  One of the biggest reasons women say they come to see me is because they are fearful that the choice they make now will affect them adversely in later life.  What the researcher found was interesting.

"Whether a woman has had children or not isn’t likely to affect her psychological well-being in later life," said University of Michigan sociologist Amy Pienta. "What is more important is whether or not she has a husband, a significant other or close social relationships in her life as she ages."

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Why Have Children

Many of the questions that clients have upon coming to see me is a variation on this one - why have children?

Zoe Williams has written a lovely piece in the Guardian's Comment is Free Section Why Have Children- it is a personal explanation of her decision and it cannot be universalized but I feel it gives an insight into why women who decide to have children have done it.

'People love having children. So the question is, why? Is it a grand delusion, a memory wipe about what life was like before? Is it, as the fiction writer Lorrie Moore once said, that children destroy everything else in your life and then become the best thing in it? Or are they a furnace of purpose and fulfilment, where previously there were only spot fires of miscellaneous interest?'

Tuesday, 1 December 2015