One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Discussion in Washington Post on Work/Life Balance

Well, it was very nice to have this blog referenced in an online discussion on the Washington Post's website!!

Here is the link to the discussion!

I'm very interested in the discussion about work/life balance and how it affects parents. Of course, this is a key consideration to people trying to make the decision to have children or not - particularly women. Women bear the brunt of child-care responsiblities and face more discrimination in the workplace as a result.

Friday, 10 April 2009

My husband wants kids but I don't

This was a very good piece of advice published in the on-line magazine Salon to someone writing in with the above dilemma

One of the answer's the columnist gave was totally spot on - and pretty much how I approach coaching around the issue - to ensure that clients are connected to their authentic values, and how they want to life their lives, their vision - how to find meaning in their lives

'But in and of itself, not having a kid will not address the deeper question. The question is how to find connection and meaning in life, how to feel more authentic and more "right" about what one is doing. How to feel, like, yeah, OK, what I'm doing is right for me, it makes sense, I'm where I belong, doing what I was meant to do. '

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

A interview for Glamour Magazine and the gift of uncertainty.

Hello everyone - to regular followers and to new readers! It's nice to see from my stats that the readership is up - many people who are typing in various questions into Google around the subject of deciding to have children or not are turning up here and finding the blog helpful which is good to know.

I was interviewed a few days ago for Glamour Magazine as the expert on this subject for a piece they are doing on the decision to have children - 'When is the right time?' I did find it amusing to be interviewed by Glamour - being the sort of 'not-traditionally glamouress' type of person!!

They were structuring the piece in the traditional way - a sort of tick box list of things or ways you will know that you are ready - for example, how will you know when you are financially ready? How will you know you are emotionally ready?

One of the main things I did stress with the journalist was that it's really, really important for people explore how they relate to uncertainty when making this decision. Often, I see clients who come very stressed about the decision who are often very fearful of 'uncertainty' of making the 'wrong' choice. AND of course - it's one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make!!! It'll change your life. Yes, of course, it is frightening. BUT,- it's a path that is fraught with uncertainty.

For example, if you decide to try to conceive, you don't know when or if you will conceive. If you get pregnant, you don't know how your pregnancy will go. You don't know what kind of birthing experience you will have, you don't know what being a mother to a newborn will be like, you don't know how you will discpline your kid, etc. etc. etc.

One of the scariest things about making this decision is that it's one of the decisions in life we actually have very little control over - we can't see into the future, we don't really know what is in sort for us, how our lives will turn out with OR without children. SO, I usually work with clients so they can see the 'gift' in uncertainty - even if they can't embrace it fully! It's like in other work I do around polarity - I encourage clients to try to hold the tension between 'knowing' and 'not knowing'

Well, anyway - the article will be appearing in a few months - I'll let you know when I have the exact publication date and I'll post a link to the article on my main website

Saturday, 4 April 2009

Men's biological clock

A great article about men's biological clock - at the end, the author points out how if men had the same worries of their biological clock, women wouldn't feel the pressure of worrying about trying to convince reluctant partners.

From the article is this quote:

'For decades men have been diligently discovering their feminine side, and couples have been announcing “we’re pregnant”; yet the hows and whens of having a baby are still juggled primarily by women. We are the ones who hold the time lines and calendars in our heads, who have to surrender space in our bodies and clear time in our lives. Too soon could derail a career. Too late could risk infertility. Becoming a mother means compromising with biology — “settling” for a mate or for single-parenthood or for an ill-timed career interruption — in order to beat that clock.'

Being a Godparent - an alternative to having kids of your own

Here is an article that appeared in today's Guardian:

In the article, the man in question talked about how he had orginally wanted kids of his own but it never happened. He is extremely positve about being a goparent and the chance it gives him to be involved in the lives of children as they grow up.