One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at mailto:beth@ticktockcoaching.co.uk and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit http://www.ticktockcoaching.co.uk/ for more information about my coaching services.

Saturday, 31 December 2011

Co-Parenting: An alternative to having a child as a single parent

I've written before on this blog about the concept of co-parenting. For women who are single and who do want children, the idea of co-parenting a child is a viable option. In many cases, a woman opts to have a child with a gay male friend.


In the Guadian newspaper, there has been a regular column written by a gay man who has a child (with another on the way) with his male partner and a female friend (who is the biological mother). In this column, he explains how the situation arose and how it seemed a good option for his woman friend. There isn't alot written about co-parenting so I was pleased to be able to share this with all of you!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/dec/31/charlie-condou-gay-dad-second-pregnancy

Friday, 30 December 2011

How does having children affect the happiness of a marriage?

Came across this piece claiming that the secret to a happy marriage is to be child-free OR have lots of them (i.e. more than 4)!

The author speculates on why this might be and comes to several conclusions around why this might be.

Saturday, 3 December 2011

While I regret having children? Will I regret it if I don't have children?

The two biggest fears that women who come to see me express is that they might regret their decision either way. Will I regret having children? Will I regret it if I don't have children?
So when I found this article on the top five regrets that people had on their deathbed, I wanted to share it with you. The top five were:
1) Not having the courage to live a true life and having conformed to others beliefs/wishes.
2) Working too hard
3) Not expressing true feelings/surpressing feelings
4) Losing touch with friends.
5) Not allowing themselves to be happy
It's a great article - and it confirms what I say to clients. If you get in touch with your vision on how you REALLY want to live your life, if you start expressing how you REALLY feel about having/not having children to your partner, if you create a great support network and if can consciously choose things and ways of being that make you happy - you are less likely to feel regret. I love working with people on the decision to have children or not - because in the process of making a decision, they also realise that they can live their lives in more powerful and confident ways. They can make choices and they can live their life from a place of wholeness.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

How to make the decision to have children or not?

I was interested to see this query on the advice section of the internet Dating Agency E-Harmony. His query is this:

'How is a rational decision made on whether to have (biological) children?

I am in my search for a life partner and kid(s) is/are one of the major decisions. I could choose a lady without children who would like to have them. Or, I could date/marry a single mother who prefers not to have any more children, or a woman who does not want them at all.'

Personally, I think the problem is in the word 'rational'. The decision to have children or not is rarely strictly a rational decision. Emotions and gut feelings are always involved. (Interestingly, I went to a conference on Coaching & Neuroscience and one of the speakers pointed out that no decision we make is free of emotion or is purely rational)

Thursday, 17 November 2011

A perspective from a 'maybe baby' client


'I came to this coaching in an utter panic, pushed this way and that on whether to start a family by relatives, friends and my husband, all of whom had definite (and different) opinions on what I ought to be doing. The decision to start a family is extremely personal, yet even strangers seem to have perspectives on it, and it's easy to feel badgered and bullied even by well-meaning people. Beth helped me separate my own feelings from those of the people around me and to assess clearly what I wanted. I found the experience very calming. I would recommend that any women ambivalent about whether to start a family go through Beth's process - particularly if she feels she has no disinterested party to turn to.' ~ Virgina, 38, Writer (USA)

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

No Children, No Guilt: New childfree book

Hello - I've been doing some raking leaves in my garden so I thought this was a seasonally appropriate image for this posting!
Most people reading this blog are still in the process of trying to decide whether to have children or not so I don't tend to refer very much to books or resources for childfree people . But after being contacted by author Sylvia Lucas, about her book 'No Children, No Guilt', I thought I would check it out. It was a very humourous book which also contains relevant and serious points about being childfree. So if you'd like a childfree perspective, check out her blog and website!

Thursday, 3 November 2011

Should I have a baby? Am I ready?

I just found this advice given to a woman who was asking the question should I have a baby? She wasn't feeling ready yet. It's a common thing that I hear from my clients. How do I know whether I am ready to have a child or not?

Monday, 31 October 2011

Overpopulation and making the decision to have kids or not


Happy Halloween everyone!
With the news that the world is about to reach the 7 billion mark, the question of whether we should limit the number of children or indeed decide not to have children is very present. The Guardian invited comments from readers on this question which makes for interesting reading!

Techniques for regaining your centre


In my last blog post, I mentioned I would share with you a technique for regaining your sense of calm and peace ~ even when you feel stressed or anxious about making the decision to have children or not. I give this technique to all my clients as it is a simple and powerful way for us to regain a sense of calm.
1. adjust your posture so you are sitting uplifted.
2. take a gentle breath in and then a LONG breath out.
3. allow gravity to take the weight of your shoulders and chin
4. imagine you have a bubble of energy surrounding you and any stress or pressure that comes from outside can just land in the bubble of energy.
5. ask yourself the question 'what would it be like if I had just alittle bit more ease in my being right now?' and notice what answers come
This should take no more than 5 minutes. Now, look at the situation again and notice what is different.

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

I want a baby but my boyfriend doesn't


This question appeared on Yahoo Answers recently - it's a question I hear alot.
One of the things I work on with my clients who are in this situation is to help them get REALLY clear about what they want. Once people can express themselves in a clear and confident way, it's then MUCH easier for them to discuss this with their partner.
In my next blog post, I'll look at some techniques to help yourself develop calmness and clarity.

Monday, 17 October 2011

The financial cost of having children


As I've mentioned many times on this blog, finance is sometimes a key factor in making the decision whether to have a child or not. (although it's usually not the most pressing factor actually I find). This article Covering the Cost of Children mentions the shift in demographics that is happening in Australia, where there are growing numbers of single person households and child-free households. Personally, although I think financial considerations have a big part to play in this, I also think that it has always been a financial challenge to have children and that actually, the shift in demographics may have to do with other cultural reasons - such as it being more acceptable not to have children. However, I think this article has several practical tips around financial planning and the decision to have children.

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Widening our options: Becoming a mentor


With many of my coaching clients who are leaning towards being child-free is a desire to have a role in the life of a child or young person although they may not want (or be able to have) childre of their own. So one thing we do is to explore their options - what are some of the other ways that they can be involved in a child's life?
I came across this fantastic article in the NY Times called Mentors Life-Changing Bond. It looks at a unique project whereby a child from an at-risk family meets with a mentor every week for 4 hours for 12 years - from kindergarden to high school. This has a significant impact on the life of the children.
While most mentoring projects do not work over this time scale, many do encourage people to build mentoring relationships with children over several years. In the UK, there are many projects that are looking for mentors to support children and young people in deprived backgrounds and the charity CSV has many opportunities for this work.

Monday, 10 October 2011

What about men?

I've sometimes been asked this and although I have coached a couple of men around the baby decision, I haven't had many enquiries from men asking for coaching to help them make the decision whether to have children or not. So I do tend for focus the language of my website and this blog on women who are struggling to decide whether to have kids or not. However, in the last two weeks, I've had emails from two men who are struggling with this decision. One wrote me a thoughtful and long email about the difficulties that this has been for both him and previous partners who have felt angry and resentful at his inability to make the decision. He felt that men are not prepared or supported to be fathers in our society and this makes the decision more difficult - as fatherhood seems like an even more risky and/frightening option.

Thursday, 6 October 2011

Testimonial from a 'baby decision' client


I just finished with a wonderful client this week and I was very touched by the testimonial she wrote me. It's such a privilege to be able to do this work!

'I don’t easily seek help from others, and was encouraged to work with Beth by my husband, when we were struggling with a decision as to whether to have a child. From the first session, she nailed what made me tick, and I was always amazed by how I immediately felt the results from each exercise. Even if dealing with difficult issues, I had fun and came away enlightened, with techniques that I now feel I can use to resolve anything that’s thrown at me.Not only do we now we feel we can reach a balanced decision about having kids, I also feel I know myself much better and what I want to get out of life. I’ve come on leaps and bounds in my work, and I’m certain this is due to the sessions with Beth.' ~ RV, 32, architect

Tuesday, 4 October 2011

Delaying having a child, Having a child in your 40's


Forbes magazine published this piece When have you waited too late to become a Mom? The author raises some valid points around the difficulties of having children past your 40's. What I believe that if you do want children, and even if you have waited till your 40's or even 50's you do have options. One option I always encourage clients to explore is adoption - although adoption is a difficult process, older prospective parents are welcome by most agencies. And if you adopt an older child, some of the difficulties that are raised in this article can be negated.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Generation X - Delaying the decision to have children

In Canada's Globe and Mail, this article on Generation X appeared. The authors attribute the fact that large numbers of Generation x'ers are either puting off the decision to have children or deciding not to have children to the longer hours worked by Gen X'ers. It feels like this might only be one interpretation of the reasons behind this decision but it's an interesting article.

Monday, 19 September 2011

IVF: Decisions and Choices

I sometimes have women clients who are trying to make this decision: Do I really want a baby enough to go through IVF?

These clients have been having doubts or wondering if they do want children and then, they find they need to have IVF treatment. One of the issues I do look at is what would happen should the IVF treatment not work out. And I thought this was an excellent piece in the Guardian which looks at exactly that question from the perspective of several people for whom that was the case

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Can I afford to have a child?

I just spotted this piece in the Irish Times about whether finance plays a factor in deciding whether to have kids or not. It's short but raises some interesting points. In my experience, finance tends not to be the overall deciding factor in making the decision for women but it does often come up when we explore fears of having children. Losing financial independence or of not being able to provide for a child financially can be a fear for women - but often when we explore the reality clients find that this tends to be 'the voice of the sabateur'.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Having a kids and having a career


Two articles caught my eye this week:

In Career Minded Women lose big, the author points to the difficulties women on a career track having once they have children. She urges women to stay in the career market and to rise as fast and high as they can before leaving to have children and suggests ways to 'stay in the game' after having kids.

While in this thoughtful piece in the Guardian, Madeline Bunting looks at the issue again and points to why women might choose not to follow the same ambitous career path but design a life which work, life and child-care all have a place.

It's a difficult choice - and it's no surprise that for women who feel ambivalent or unsure of having kids and who have a career they enjoy it makes the decision even harder.


Friday, 12 August 2011

Friday, 5 August 2011

Couples deciding whether to have kids or not - How does it affect the relationship?

Greetings everyone! Sorry to have neglected the blog for the last few weeks - I've been away enjoying my native Canada for a few weeks!

While I was gone, a friend sent me this link to an article recently published on the Huffington Post:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/are-childfree-couples-doo_b_913051.html

The article explores the stats that show that childfree couples are more likely to break up than couples with children. It looks at a number of reasons for why this might be. One reason that I'm aware of is that sometimes in childfree couples there can be a disagreement about whether to have children or not - with one partner in the relationship wanting children and the other not wanting. I often get clients coming to me in this situation - and always someone will either change their mind OR the relationship with end. It is a very difficult decision to make and I'm often working with individuals to help them work out what they want to do. I also have an associate who is a relationship coach who works with both people together on how to resolve this and move forward.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

Should I have children?

This article appeared in the Guardian this weekend, entitled 'My brief encounter with the maternal urge'. Lovely piece which illustrates dilemma faced bywomen wondering if they should have children or not.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/jul/02/priya-basil-should-i-have-children

Monday, 20 June 2011

Will I regret not havng children?

Many of my coaching clients come to me concerned whether they will regret their decision not to have children?

I found this excellent article in the New York Times on regret and decision making. The outcome seems to be that people who deal best with decision making are those that can see the decisions they make within context and can see the complexity of those decisions. People that dwell on the lives they could have lead tend not to deal with regret so well.

My belief around regret is that when we make decisions as best as we can at the time, with the most positive belief AND with a feeling that we are choosing whatever choice we are making (as opposed to being the passive victim of a situation) we are much less likely to feel regret.

Monday, 6 June 2011

This question to the Guardian's advice column on Saturday sounds very typical of the women who approach me!

I liked the response she was given - it can be very useful indeed to talk to someone outside your friends and family who can help you get a perspective on the decision whether to have children (and when to have children)

Monday, 23 May 2011

Does finance play a part in the decision to have children or not?

This question was posed on an internet discussion board recently. One of the concerns people have when thinking about whether to have a child or not is whether they can afford to have children.

I've only had a few clients for whom this was the prime concern however ~ for most people there are other issues affecting the decision ~ and it is rarely purely a financial question. Yet it is a big factor - can I afford to have children now? Should I wait? How long to wait? How much money is enough money?

Saturday, 14 May 2011

The biological clock - what would you do if you were told you had to conceive within the year?

In this article, Kasy Edwards talks about having to make the decision to have a baby within a year before her fertility expired. She has written a book about the issue and how she was glad that she went ahead to have her child - even though it wasn't the ideal time.

The writer of the article makes links to Sylvia Ann Hewitt's book 'Baby Hunger' which advised women to get on with conception as the chances of conceiving later in life were slimmer.

I have mixed feelings about these books. On one hand, yes it is true that conceiving after 35 can be more difficult. And yes, our youth culture perhaps has led to a denial of the biological facts. I also think Edwards did exactly what was right for her. Interestingly, sometimes when we are faced with a loss of choice we can actually move forward and make a decision more quickly.

However, on the other hand, I feel that many women lead very happy and fullfilled lives without children. There can be something about the writing about fertility and the biological clock slightly pushes the view or feeling that having children is the best decision. And certainly, my unease with the work of Hewitt is that she continually tries to show that women who have made the opposite choice have been less happy or fullfilled.

What should I do - my husband wants a baby but I don't

In this piece in the Observer Magazine, Mariella gives advice to a woman whose husband desparately wants a baby but she doesn't want to have a baby but is willing to adopt. The woman seeking advice expresses many worries that I hear from women who come to me who don't want kids or don''t feel a biological urge to have a baby but who are in a relationship with someone who does.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Do I leave my partner who doesn't want children?

Here is a query posted on Google answers from a woman who is trying to decide whether she should leave her partner because her partner doesn't want children.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Choosing to be Childfree

Sonja Lewis has written her debut novel explore the decision to be childfree and not have children. She discusses the book and how she came to write it in this article .

When she was approaching 40, she said that she got obsessed with the decision whether to have children or not. And in the end, she decided not to.

I want a baby but I'm single

Articles about celebs who want children but who are single do resonante with many women. In this piece, a blogger is writing about Eva Longoria who wants a child but she is single - and how this applies to her as well.

Some of the women who come to me for coaching and who are in this position find it very difficult. For many of us, having children is tied up with being in a relationship, with being in a family. But as I have mentioned elsewhere in this blog, many women decide to be single parents by choice which is sometimes the decision clients come to. Equally, women may decide that they do not want to parent as a single mother but choose instead to let go of their dream of having children to allow them to enter into a childfree life in a positve, pro-active way.

Friday, 15 April 2011

Worries about mental health in family and decision to have children or not


A few posts ago, I wrote about the worries that sometimes clients have about mental health problems that family members have experienced. Sometimes people can worry that they should decide not to have children because of this. In last weekend's Guardian, this was beautifully written about in a moving first person article about a man who had those concerns about becoming a parent. It describes his journey and how he overcame these fears.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Will I regret not having children when I am older?


This article on the NYT blog was posted last week. Entitled 'Aging without Children'
it explores the issue of what happens if we don't have children when we get older.

This is often a fear that my coaching clients speak about when they consider not having children as an option. Although traditionally, not having children was an indicator that you would have a higher chance of ending up in a nursuing home, researchers today argue that in today's world, this is not so relevant. This quote from the article says:

“The popular idea was that without children, you’d be in a whole heap of trouble,” Dr. Silverstein said. “But there’s not a whole lot of empirical evidence showing that.” Even among those childless and unmarried, “we didn’t see any indication that their unmet need was higher.”

In fact, in the national sample — which comprised 2,048 observations of 1,456 respondents from 1998 to 2004 — nearly 90 percent reported being happy and enjoying life. Among non-parents, this “positive affect” was higher still.

So it’s a mixed picture, and it’s likely to change again for baby boomers, who have much higher rates of childlessness. In the U.S.C. sample, about 14 percent were childless. Among boomers, Dr. Silverstein estimates that 20 to 25 percent are not parents (some estimates run higher), and they’re more likely to be childless voluntarily. They may have other sources of care in old age: more developed social networks, for example, or better access to paid caregivers, as women have become better educated and earned more.

“The boomers will be so different in so many ways, it’s hard to project,” Dr. Silverstein said.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Is equality between genders possible after you have children?


Rebecca Asher has written a book on the problems of maintaining equality between the genders when a couple has a child. And an article based on the book appeared in the Guardian today.

This is often a key question that the women coming to me for coaching around the their decision of whether they should have kids or not. How will I maintain equality with my husband or boyfriend when I have a baby? They do not want to be lumbered with all of the childcare and the housework and risk losing their career or business.

I think that Asher is spot on with her analysis of the situation. Equality is extremely difficult to maintain in terms of child-rearing - particuarly when the baby is young. With many women knowing the reality of the situation - through seeing their friends and work colleagues, why would we enter into it knowlingly, particularly if we aren't sure if we really want children anyway?

AND, what I say to clients who feel that they do want children but fear that they may lose themselves in child-rearing, is that I believe that life is a dance between paradox. How can we enter into something - like having a child - that we know in terms of the big picture, in terms of many women's lives can lead to situations that Asher has described while holding the intention that we will try to create something in our lives differently? How can we consciously choose to embark on a vogage with difficuly and stormy seas - and yet seek to make it our own?

Thursday, 17 March 2011

What to do if you want kids but your husband or boyfriend or partner doesn't

A large minority of my clients are women who do want kids but their husband (or their boyfriend or partner) doesn't want kids.

I've never yet had a man approach me wanting coaching around this but this interesting question from a gay man who wants children but his partner doesn't raises many of the same issue faced by my women clients.

Some of the comments he got were thoughtful and helpful - but many were not! Which again, is a common experience that my clients who come to me around this issue experience when they ask friends or family for advice.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Women in Germany - Making the decision to not have children

This interesting article by Zoe Williams appeared in the Guardian today

She explores the historical reasons behind the low birth rate in Germany - really fascinating!

Saturday, 5 March 2011

If you suffer from depression, will having a baby make it worse?

One of the things that some of my clients worry about that if they have a history of depression in the past, that having a baby will bring it on or make it worse.

In this article 'Reasons to be cheerful' , the author wrote that she had this worry and that she was pleasantly surprised not to experience an increase in her depression when she had her children.

Dorothy Rowe, psychologist and author was quoe in the author saying that there is no reason why having a baby should increase depression - even if you have a history of depressive history.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Hmmm.. have a kid or have a pet?

Well, here is a new spin on the topic - a Wired blog post on whether people are deciding whether to have a kid or have a pet!

http://www.wired.com/geekdad/2011/02/pets-or-kids-or-both/


Says the author:
'According to a survey conducted by the pet product company Flexcin, 54% of people surveyed (pet owners between the ages of 21-30) said they would rather have a dog instead of a child because they didn’t think they were up to the challenge.'

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Deciding to have a child

Wishing you all a lovely Sunday - it is very gray and rainy where I am today and more rain forecast for the rest of the week. Tommorrow, I have a coaching session with a client in Los Angeles and I suspect she will be experience brillant sunshine! Oh well!

Anyway, I found this interesting article looking at the decision to have a child.

http://www.phenomenologyonline.com/articles/robb.html

The article looks at the wider issues that face people trying to decide and questions whether it is a simple yes or no decision - I very much agree and I find there is resonance in many of the points the author raises in the experiences of my clients. I plan on coming back to this article and points she raises in the next week.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Introducing my new relationship coaching associate

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I have teamed up with relationship coach Judy Van Zon who will be providing relationship coaching for couples who want to work together to make the decision whether to have children/kids. Find out more about Judy and relationship coaching!

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Survey on whether having children is a top priority for couples in Singapore

In Singapore, more and more people are choosing not to have children. In this article, an interesting survey has been published showing that having children is not top priority for many young couples.

http://www.todayonline.com/Singapore/EDC110216-0000239/Having-children-not-top-priority--Survey

Sunday, 13 February 2011

More about 'freedom' vs 'committment/responsibility' in making the decision to have a child

Following on from my last post, how do we move to seeing the interdependence of both freedom and committment - instead of thinking it is an either/or choice? When I work with clients who express fears that having a child will mean an end to their freedom or independence, I get them to look at what the positives and negatives are with each pole. What is good about freedom? What is not so good? What is good about comittment? and then, what is not so good? This is called mapping the polarity. And it's important because usually, we tend to favour one pole - at the expense of the others. Sometimes, when we are so fiercely committed to freedom - we reject responsibility or committment - but that means we are rejecting what is good about this place, this pole.

In terms of figuring out if we want to have a baby or not, I believe we want to (as much as possible) make this choice from a place of wholeness. When I do this exercise with clients we explore how they can have more integration and flow between freedom and committment - so that they can access both and know that they can 'lean into' the pole of responsibility without losing the best bits of freedom. And then, we look at the decision to have a child again - when we do it from a place of integration, we might still decide to remain childfree. Or we might decide to have a child. BUT we know the decision is coming from a place of wholeness - not because we haven't integrated a pole or because we are fearful of losing something important to us, to losing the freedom we all need to be fully human.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

How to decide whether to have kids when faced with the choice between freedom and responsibility?

One of the common polarities I see clients struggling with when trying to decide whether to have kids or not is the polarity of 'freedom' vs 'responsibility/committment'? Many of us think we have to make an either or choice when it comes to polarities like this.

But in my experience, polarities like this are inter-dependent on each other. Therefore, we need both freedom and responsiblity. Through exploring each pole in a polarity, we can see that there are both positive and negative aspects in each pole. And then, we see what changes when we experience more fludity between the two - so that instead of having to make and 'either/or' choice between freedom and responsibility, we can have 'yes and' wisdom.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Do I want to have a baby on my own? Another woman says yes!

In the Guardian Family section this weekend, there appeared this article about a woman who decided to go it alone and have a child without a partner. It's really interesting how many women are seeing this a a viable possibility. Yes, it's hard having children. Yes, it's hard being a single mum. Yes, it means letting go of a dream (for now) of having the full package of a partner and kids.

But I do think that if you really want kids, then go for it. You will find a way.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Do I want kids? Celebs who have decided they don't!

A while ago, I put out a blog post asking for example of women in the public eye who have decided they didn't want kids. I didn't come up with very many but helpfully, Maire Claire magazine have put together this list of 25 celebrities who have answered the question 'Do I want kids?' with a no.

Here is the link to the article Celebrities without Children

It's a good list - with some great quotes from the celebs themselves.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Should I have a baby on my own?

If a woman is in her mid - late 30's and, for whatever reason, their relationship hasn't worked out or the right man hasn't come along, this is a question that can emerge.

One of the common things I hear as a coach is that the idea of having a baby on our own can feel sad and disappointing as it means letting go of a dream - the dream of being in a relationship and family. And it's important that we give space to experience and give voice to that feeling of disappointment.

Once client have done that, I also encourage them to think about what they could be embracing by going down this route of having a child on their own - what are the gifts and possibilities that might emerge here?

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Going it alone - Deciding to have children as a single mother

I'm always on the look out for example of women who have considered an 'unconventional' option to either becoming a mother or in becoming childfree as many of my clients would like examples of other women who have followed a different path.

In the Evening Standard today, there was an interesing feature about Helene Darroze, a high profile restauranteur who decided to adopt two children in her early 40's after http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/lifestyle/article-23919265-hlne-darroze-two-cities-two-children-and-two-michelin-stars-my-mum-says-im-insane.doShe had always wanted family and she admits:

" I was in love with a man in Paris and if this guy had asked me to marry him and have a family, I would have done it like a shot."

But because this didn't work out and finding herself in her late 30's and not in a relationship, she decided to adopt and is very happy with how things turned out.

Monday, 31 January 2011

Advice from the Royal College of Obstretricians and Gynaecologists

On Friday, the Royal College released this advice.

http://www.rcog.org.uk/news/tog-release-more-information-needed-fertility-women-all-ages
Basically, they feel that girls and women should be given - along with other sex education information on preventing pregnancy, information on the optimum time to have a child which is before 35 years of age.

Saturday, 29 January 2011

Some challenges facing couples in making the decision to have a baby or not

Following on from my post yesterday, I thought I would outline some of the problems that face couples in making this decision. Often, both partners are equally unsure about which decision to make - and they want to work together to find out what they both wants and what their relationship is wanting. In relationship coaching, we talk about the 'third entity' of the relationship - and this is a helpful way of thinking beyond what each partner wants. Think 'What does the relationship want?'

In more difficult situations, one person will want to have children and the other not. OR another likely situation is that one person wants children OR doesn't want children and the other person is unsure. This lack of clarity can be frustrating for both.

In many cases, it will be helpful for the person who is unsure to work - either on their own or with someone like me - to decide what it is they really do want before working with their partner in something like couples coaching

Friday, 28 January 2011

Coaching Couples who are struggling whether to have children or not

Over the past few years, I have received a number of enquiries from people wanting to be coached as a couple on this decision - rather than as individuals. This is a very good idea but I have never offered this service as I haven't trained as a couples coach.

However, I now am offering a package of coaching for couple in colloboration with my partner Judy Van Zon who is an qualified couples coach. The service will include: an individual session for each partner with myself at the beginning of the coaching programme. Then couples will be offered a number of coaching sessions with Judy together (we suggest a minimum of 4 coaching sessions). If anyone in the partnership would like another individual session throughout the coaching, they can book one in with me.

So, if you would like relationship coaching around this issue, please let me know. And I will set up an initial consultation call with you to discuss the coaching and how it works.

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Testimonial

I completed with a coaching client last week who had come to me about six months ago seeking help with her decide whether to have children or not. She wrote me a testimonial which really touched me ~ I feel so priviledged to be able to do this work.

'I came to Beth because I was in a panic about the decision to have children or not. I was afraid to make the wrong decision and regretting this forever. I have come to realise that there is no wrong or right decision and that I can live with the decision that I make. I feel that I have fully explored the issue and am relieved to know that I will not look back on this time in my life and think that I didn't have the courage to address it head on. Taking the time to explore the question with Beth was the best thing I could have done to enable me to move forward on the decision.' (Cassie, Central London, 39)

(For more info about my coaching on these issues, you can do go to this page of my website Do I want to have children?)

Monday, 3 January 2011

Choices and the decision to have kids

I've been quoted in the Economist Magazine!!! Very excited - my quote appears in the third paragraph from the bottom of the article which is all about the difficulty of making choices in a world with abundant choices.

http://www.economist.com/node/17723028?story_id=17723028