One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

My parents keep asking us when we are going to have a baby

Spending extended time with your parents over the break can bring out the inevitable question.

It can be annoying, stressful and very frustrating to constantly have to deal with questioning on having kids when you haven't made up your mind yet about the baby decision.

This humorous article looks at that very issue in a lighthearted way!

If you can find ways to approach these questions in a centered and calm way, that can help end the constant questioning.  One of the things I often work with clients to do is to help them develop ways to deal with intrusive and frustrating questions from relatives.  

Sunday, 28 December 2014

Questions to reflect on for the new year

2015 is almost here - and a new year is a good time to reflect on our lives and look at how we can move forward.

If you have spent a good part of 2014 struggling with the decision of whether to have children or not, 2015 is your year to move forward.  Here are some questions you might want to reflect upon.

1) What is the biggest challenge I am facing right now?

2) How would I like to be different in one year from now?

3) Imagine yourself one year from now having resolved this question, what advice would you give to yourself on how to move forward?

4) Who or what resources could I call upon to help me move forward?

These are just some initial general questions to help you get started - I offer free 30 minute consultation sessions if you would like tailored one to one support.

Monday, 22 December 2014

Ambivalent about having children

I just read a powerful & personal blog post about the journey one woman went on called I was ambivalent about having kids until I wasn't 

 I have worked with client who found themselves in similar situations who had been ambivalent about children untill they found themselves in a life shifting event.

Particularly if someone has had a miscarriage, they can find themselves grieving in a way they hadn't anticipated. I always advise seeking crisis counseling after a miscarriage but after that coaching can help work out whether the client does want to try again and have children.

Saturday, 20 December 2014

You don't need to have children to be fulfilled

Recently Jennifer Aniston has spoken out about all the judgement cast on her decision not to have children.

One of the common assumptions made is that a woman who doesn't have children will somehow feel unfulfilled.

I know this to be untrue.  As a coach, as well as seeing clients on the 'baby decision', I see a number of clients exploring work/life issues and in organisations who do have children. I also have one child myself.  I can say from the heart that many people with children also can have a sense of wondering what our purpose is, dissatisfaction with work that isn't fullfilling.  There are many factors that lead to being fulfilled and happy and having children is not a gurantee of this!

This is what the author of this recent article in Time is saying in this thoughtful piece. 

Friday, 19 December 2014

When friends all have babies

If you are Childfree, it can start to feel strange when your friends start having babies.  Often clients come to me to check out whether they have made the right decision or not at this point. Women report feeling like they have lost their friends, like they are seen as the different one and also worry that they might be missing out on an important life experience.  Here is one woman's views on being in this situation.

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Why does anyone have children?

Interesting piece here in the New York Times from a few years ago Why Does Anyone Have Children?

In the short piece (in which readers are invited to comment) the writer outlines the common split she experiences between her head (logical rational side) and her heart (emotional, intuitive side).  When I'm coaching, I often ask my clients to really explore and embody each side in this polarity.  It can help to see where we are split and then, what do we know or feel when we feel more aligned and less like the rational and emotional parts of ourselves are at war.

Wednesday, 17 December 2014

Should I have a baby?

An article appeared in Time magazine this week - a US psychologist explored a way to answer the question 'Should I have a baby?'  It reminded me of a slightly similiar technique I use when coaching clients looking at this question.

Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Should we wait to start a family?

Often the difficulty people face when trying to make the decision to have children or not is actually around whether to delay having a family now or not as this article from celebrity magazine Hello points out:

Monday, 15 December 2014

The generation that can't afford to have children

In the UK, as house prices escalate and the unemployment rate languishes,  commentators worry about a generation that may have to put off having children till too late.

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

Ambivalent about having a baby?

Many women who come to me for coaching are ambivalent about having a baby. In this article,   talks about her experience of having deep ambivalence around the baby decision.

'Do you want children?”.... If you’re in a settled relationship and are moderately solvent, people only really understand one of two answers: yes or no. Even “I don’t know” is usually translated as either, “You should get on with it, then,” or, “That means you don’t want them”. Actually, the truthful response to this all-pervading question is less concrete. If I were being honest, my real answer would be: “I don’t mind” – which appears to be incomprehensible in our mummy-obsessed world. '

Advice to university graduates - living with your partner before marriage is a great way to find out if you are compatible - including working out whether you both want kids or not.

Monday, 8 December 2014

Complicated paternity case

The recent case of Stuart Anderson Wheeler and Phobe Manners highlights how complicated the decision to have a baby or not can be - particularly fir women who feel that the biological window for them to get pregnant is closing. Admittedly it is an extreme case study! 

In this case, when they were in a relationship Manners & Anderson-Wheeler went for IVF treatment where Anderson-Miler donated his sperm, agreeing it could be used for several IVF sessions.  After they split up, Manners had another session of IVF using his sperm.

My husband doesn't want kids but I do: Shall we get divorced?

Advice for a Canadian women in this difficult situation in the Globe and Mail. It's one of the situations that some women who come to me for coaching on and it can be very difficult.  Often women come to me before going into couples counselling because they want to really explore whether they do want children enough to leave the relationship.  Or they have found their partners reluctant to go to see a counsellor together.

Saturday, 6 December 2014

I find that it is particularly difficult for women from cultures where family's are highly valued - this Jewish women writes about her experience as a childfree woman.

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Great article (with strong language!) on the judgement women who have decided not to have children get.