One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Friday, 25 February 2011

Hmmm.. have a kid or have a pet?

Well, here is a new spin on the topic - a Wired blog post on whether people are deciding whether to have a kid or have a pet!

Says the author:
'According to a survey conducted by the pet product company Flexcin, 54% of people surveyed (pet owners between the ages of 21-30) said they would rather have a dog instead of a child because they didn’t think they were up to the challenge.'

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Deciding to have a child

Wishing you all a lovely Sunday - it is very gray and rainy where I am today and more rain forecast for the rest of the week. Tommorrow, I have a coaching session with a client in Los Angeles and I suspect she will be experience brillant sunshine! Oh well!

Anyway, I found this interesting article looking at the decision to have a child.

The article looks at the wider issues that face people trying to decide and questions whether it is a simple yes or no decision - I very much agree and I find there is resonance in many of the points the author raises in the experiences of my clients. I plan on coming back to this article and points she raises in the next week.

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Introducing my new relationship coaching associate

As I mentioned a few posts ago, I have teamed up with relationship coach Judy Van Zon who will be providing relationship coaching for couples who want to work together to make the decision whether to have children/kids. Find out more about Judy and relationship coaching!

Thursday, 17 February 2011

Survey on whether having children is a top priority for couples in Singapore

In Singapore, more and more people are choosing not to have children. In this article, an interesting survey has been published showing that having children is not top priority for many young couples.

Sunday, 13 February 2011

More about 'freedom' vs 'committment/responsibility' in making the decision to have a child

Following on from my last post, how do we move to seeing the interdependence of both freedom and committment - instead of thinking it is an either/or choice? When I work with clients who express fears that having a child will mean an end to their freedom or independence, I get them to look at what the positives and negatives are with each pole. What is good about freedom? What is not so good? What is good about comittment? and then, what is not so good? This is called mapping the polarity. And it's important because usually, we tend to favour one pole - at the expense of the others. Sometimes, when we are so fiercely committed to freedom - we reject responsibility or committment - but that means we are rejecting what is good about this place, this pole.

In terms of figuring out if we want to have a baby or not, I believe we want to (as much as possible) make this choice from a place of wholeness. When I do this exercise with clients we explore how they can have more integration and flow between freedom and committment - so that they can access both and know that they can 'lean into' the pole of responsibility without losing the best bits of freedom. And then, we look at the decision to have a child again - when we do it from a place of integration, we might still decide to remain childfree. Or we might decide to have a child. BUT we know the decision is coming from a place of wholeness - not because we haven't integrated a pole or because we are fearful of losing something important to us, to losing the freedom we all need to be fully human.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

How to decide whether to have kids when faced with the choice between freedom and responsibility?

One of the common polarities I see clients struggling with when trying to decide whether to have kids or not is the polarity of 'freedom' vs 'responsibility/committment'? Many of us think we have to make an either or choice when it comes to polarities like this.

But in my experience, polarities like this are inter-dependent on each other. Therefore, we need both freedom and responsiblity. Through exploring each pole in a polarity, we can see that there are both positive and negative aspects in each pole. And then, we see what changes when we experience more fludity between the two - so that instead of having to make and 'either/or' choice between freedom and responsibility, we can have 'yes and' wisdom.

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Do I want to have a baby on my own? Another woman says yes!

In the Guardian Family section this weekend, there appeared this article about a woman who decided to go it alone and have a child without a partner. It's really interesting how many women are seeing this a a viable possibility. Yes, it's hard having children. Yes, it's hard being a single mum. Yes, it means letting go of a dream (for now) of having the full package of a partner and kids.

But I do think that if you really want kids, then go for it. You will find a way.

Friday, 4 February 2011

Do I want kids? Celebs who have decided they don't!

A while ago, I put out a blog post asking for example of women in the public eye who have decided they didn't want kids. I didn't come up with very many but helpfully, Maire Claire magazine have put together this list of 25 celebrities who have answered the question 'Do I want kids?' with a no.

Here is the link to the article Celebrities without Children

It's a good list - with some great quotes from the celebs themselves.

Thursday, 3 February 2011

Should I have a baby on my own?

If a woman is in her mid - late 30's and, for whatever reason, their relationship hasn't worked out or the right man hasn't come along, this is a question that can emerge.

One of the common things I hear as a coach is that the idea of having a baby on our own can feel sad and disappointing as it means letting go of a dream - the dream of being in a relationship and family. And it's important that we give space to experience and give voice to that feeling of disappointment.

Once client have done that, I also encourage them to think about what they could be embracing by going down this route of having a child on their own - what are the gifts and possibilities that might emerge here?

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Going it alone - Deciding to have children as a single mother

I'm always on the look out for example of women who have considered an 'unconventional' option to either becoming a mother or in becoming childfree as many of my clients would like examples of other women who have followed a different path.

In the Evening Standard today, there was an interesing feature about Helene Darroze, a high profile restauranteur who decided to adopt two children in her early 40's after had always wanted family and she admits:

" I was in love with a man in Paris and if this guy had asked me to marry him and have a family, I would have done it like a shot."

But because this didn't work out and finding herself in her late 30's and not in a relationship, she decided to adopt and is very happy with how things turned out.