One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Will I regret not having children when I am older?

This article on the NYT blog was posted last week. Entitled 'Aging without Children'
it explores the issue of what happens if we don't have children when we get older.

This is often a fear that my coaching clients speak about when they consider not having children as an option. Although traditionally, not having children was an indicator that you would have a higher chance of ending up in a nursuing home, researchers today argue that in today's world, this is not so relevant. This quote from the article says:

“The popular idea was that without children, you’d be in a whole heap of trouble,” Dr. Silverstein said. “But there’s not a whole lot of empirical evidence showing that.” Even among those childless and unmarried, “we didn’t see any indication that their unmet need was higher.”

In fact, in the national sample — which comprised 2,048 observations of 1,456 respondents from 1998 to 2004 — nearly 90 percent reported being happy and enjoying life. Among non-parents, this “positive affect” was higher still.

So it’s a mixed picture, and it’s likely to change again for baby boomers, who have much higher rates of childlessness. In the U.S.C. sample, about 14 percent were childless. Among boomers, Dr. Silverstein estimates that 20 to 25 percent are not parents (some estimates run higher), and they’re more likely to be childless voluntarily. They may have other sources of care in old age: more developed social networks, for example, or better access to paid caregivers, as women have become better educated and earned more.

“The boomers will be so different in so many ways, it’s hard to project,” Dr. Silverstein said.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Is equality between genders possible after you have children?

Rebecca Asher has written a book on the problems of maintaining equality between the genders when a couple has a child. And an article based on the book appeared in the Guardian today.

This is often a key question that the women coming to me for coaching around the their decision of whether they should have kids or not. How will I maintain equality with my husband or boyfriend when I have a baby? They do not want to be lumbered with all of the childcare and the housework and risk losing their career or business.

I think that Asher is spot on with her analysis of the situation. Equality is extremely difficult to maintain in terms of child-rearing - particuarly when the baby is young. With many women knowing the reality of the situation - through seeing their friends and work colleagues, why would we enter into it knowlingly, particularly if we aren't sure if we really want children anyway?

AND, what I say to clients who feel that they do want children but fear that they may lose themselves in child-rearing, is that I believe that life is a dance between paradox. How can we enter into something - like having a child - that we know in terms of the big picture, in terms of many women's lives can lead to situations that Asher has described while holding the intention that we will try to create something in our lives differently? How can we consciously choose to embark on a vogage with difficuly and stormy seas - and yet seek to make it our own?

Thursday, 17 March 2011

What to do if you want kids but your husband or boyfriend or partner doesn't

A large minority of my clients are women who do want kids but their husband (or their boyfriend or partner) doesn't want kids.

I've never yet had a man approach me wanting coaching around this but this interesting question from a gay man who wants children but his partner doesn't raises many of the same issue faced by my women clients.

Some of the comments he got were thoughtful and helpful - but many were not! Which again, is a common experience that my clients who come to me around this issue experience when they ask friends or family for advice.

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Women in Germany - Making the decision to not have children

This interesting article by Zoe Williams appeared in the Guardian today

She explores the historical reasons behind the low birth rate in Germany - really fascinating!

Saturday, 5 March 2011

If you suffer from depression, will having a baby make it worse?

One of the things that some of my clients worry about that if they have a history of depression in the past, that having a baby will bring it on or make it worse.

In this article 'Reasons to be cheerful' , the author wrote that she had this worry and that she was pleasantly surprised not to experience an increase in her depression when she had her children.

Dorothy Rowe, psychologist and author was quoe in the author saying that there is no reason why having a baby should increase depression - even if you have a history of depressive history.