One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

Should I have children?

Should I have children now?? Or should I wait?

That's another question I often get asked.

And of course, being a coach, I can't answer that for my clients - but I can help them work out the answer.

'What are you waiting for?' I ask

And the answers vary - but usually they revolve around money, career, relationship.

In these uncertain ecomomic times, more people are factoring in money as part of the decision. The difficulty people have in buying property is another key factor.

As I have often explored on this blog, women's career paths and the decision is often a tricky one - as women do face discrimination for having career break or for taking maternity leave.

Another problem is around relationship - if you have just gotton into a relationship, when is the right time to have a child?

Sometimes, we put up barriers or we let our inner saboteur obstruct our decision by throwing up practical reasons why we shouldn't have children now. So it's important to shine a spotlight on our saboteurs - to really determine whether we are being run by a negative sabatoging voice inside us. OR whether we are truly making a positive and conscious choice.

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Dealing Christmas Overwhelm

For many women struggling the decision of whether to have children or not, Christmas can be a particularly stressful time. The focus on Christmas as a time for families and children can be overwhelming - and when you are trying to decide whether to have children or not, it is not great when distant family members at Christmas family gatherings comment or ask questions about whether you will have children yourself.

I recommend this exercise to help my clients deal with situations of overwhelm and stress. AND it's also helps in clearing your head and approaching this dilmema from a place of centre and wholeness.

Take a moment now to find yourself a seated position where you can sit upright – preferably with your hips being alittle higher than your knees.

1. Take a breath in and imagine that breath travelling up your back, giving you uplift through your spine and neck and out the top of your head. Then, on the exhalation, imagine your breath travelling down your front, softening those muscles in the front (without losing the uplift in your spine)

2. Imagine you can extend your energy out around you to about 12 – 14 inches around your whole body. Take a moment to check if this bubble of energy is equal at your front and back, to your left and right and above and below you.

3. Let gravity take the weight of your shoulders and chin.

4. Now think of a quality that you would like alittle bit more of – ease, or centeredness or inclusion. Ask yourself the question ‘What would it be like if I had a little bit more of this quality in my body right now?’ Listen to the answer you receive from your body.

And now, return to either the baby decision or the family gathering/pressure from friends and family - whatever is causing you to feel overwhelmed – do you feel more present, more centred, more able to enter these next few weeks with more ease and flow? You can take the above exercise and streamline it when you need to – just take 10 seconds several times a day to breath, sense your field of energy and invoke your quality.

Have a good holiday and I look forward to connecting to many of you in 2012 - either through the blog, emails or through coaching!

Monday, 13 December 2010

Judging women around the decision to have children or not have children

Barbara Ellen wrote this very thought provoking and relevant article in the Observer this weekend

One of the big challenges that women trying to make the decision of whether to have children or not face is around work and career. Women are the ones who are hit if they decide to have a child in relation to career. A study done several years ago by the Equal Opportunities Commision (now the Commission for Equality and Human Rights) showed that women with children experience the most discrimination in the workplace.

And Barbara Ellen points out the great unfairness - if a woman decides to have children and goes to work, she is branded a uncaring alpha woman for sorting out child-care so she can do this. If she doesn't have kids and goes forward with a career she is a sad career driven woman who has put her career ahead and forgotton about her fertility. WHATVER women do in regards to the personal issue of having children is able to be judged and commented upon.

Men are not judged in the same way.

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Short Story - When one person doesn't want kids

I saw this short story by Hilary Mantel in the Guardian Review on Saturday

It focuses on a couple - the wife wanted children but her husband didn't want a children on their way to a holiday destination. The narrator is the partner who did want children and her reflections on their life together are thoughtful - reflecting some of the thoughts some of my clients come to me with which is why I wanted to share it with blog readers here. The ending was rather disturbing though - it was a metaphor I'm sure.