One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 31 July 2013

50 years old & having a baby

I found this article from a few years called Why I'm having my first baby at age 51

For me, one of the interesting things about the article is how she describes how the indecision of herself and her partner played out.- neither felt ready to have children till she was in her late 40's.

One of the issues the author points to is the great difficulty in getting pregnant later in life.  Indeed, the author says in the article:

"It's a terrible modern conundrum, and I'm a little reluctant to be seen as a beacon of possibility because Pete and I have had so much heartache and we're incredibly fortunate to have made it this far. (I'm not alone in this. Another first-time mother in her early 50s declined to be included in this piece because, she said, "what we have is miraculous but we are in the minority to have healthy, normal babies... Nature is against us and I'm not sure I want to be part of encouraging women to leave it so late.")"

I have worked occasionally with women in their late 40's who are considering having children - I think it's important to look at all the issues around fertility and also, explore the potential of adoption or fostering.  Another solution one of my clients was looking at was that of using a surrogate parent.

I think it's important to get away from judgements that society makes about older women having children as well as being aware of the difficult fertility issues.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Interview on BBC Radio Newcastle - On choosing to be childfree

Hope all my readers are well and enjoying the sunshine!

This week, I was interviewed on BBC Radio Newcastle as part of a discussion on the decision women make to remain childfree.  It was a great discussion (despite the title of the show which was Childfree: Sane or Selfish?)- and the hosts had a very positive approach to being childfree (which is not always the case!)

If you would like to hear it, I have put a copy of it on my main Ticktock Coaching Website.  Go to the home page, and then down to the section called 'Beth in the Media' and click on the link beside BBC Radio Newcastle.


Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Access to Family Planning and Making the Decision

One issue that I have been re-miss in addressing is the importance of access to contraception and family planning is to making the decision to have children or not.   If we do not have access to this, then we do not have the power to make the decision.

As the author points out:

'Lately, almost every week somebody asks me when I'll have children. Sexist? A little. Annoying? A lot.

When or whether to have kids is a deeply personal, life-changing decision. Luckily, I have all the tools I need to decide for myself. I have access to family planning methods, and an income to pay for them. More importantly, I have the power in my relationship, my family and my country to choose to use them, without too much pressure (besides subtle hints from mothers).

I'm not a victim of sexual abuse or domestic violence, so I feel safe at home. I know, for now, that I'll have an income even if I get pregnant, and I'll be entitled to benefits through work or social insurance. I have health insurance. I know that if I have a girl, she'll be warmly welcomed into our family. I can have 10 children if I want to – and if I choose to have none, that's also OK. Millions of women and girls aren't so lucky.'

Tuesday, 2 July 2013

Are parents morally responsible for their children?

Fascinating article 'Are parents morally responsible for their children? appeared recently on the Salon website.  It looks at cases of how parents of murder's have responded - often making apologies and taking on some responsibility for the actions of their child.  Yet, as the author points out, we can there are many things that are outside of our control and she makes an analogy to sporting injuries and other accidents.

 'Isn’t it the same when a host of chance events come together to make one imperfectly-parented child a killer and another imperfectly-parented child a well-adjusted adult? When deciding whether to have children, many people think about what mark their child might leave on the world. But they might not consider that they will have limited control over their children’s behavior, yet could very well share the guilt for anything those children do wrong. If we decide to have a child knowing that we are certain to be imperfect parents, we are a little like a person who decides to drive a speedboat without the kill cord in place. We rely on good luck to save us from terrible blame.'

I think this is a very helpful view.  I find many of the women (and sometimes men) who come to see me getting worried about 'the unknown', and what they cannot control (i.e. how their child will be, how they will relate to them, etc. etc.).  And letting go of the idea that we can possibly control everything - every way our child will turn out is very reassuring. I think the poem below says it all!

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.