One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Sunday, 18 November 2012

On not being a grandmother

Lovely piece in the Guardian called Why I never became a gran.  The writer Diana Athill, in her 90's talking about not having children and therefore not being a grandmother.  It is great to see a woman being positive  when she is looking back on her life.

'That I have never become a grandmother, or indeed a mother, ought, I suppose, to be a matter of regret, but I can't say that it is. In middle age I had a brief spasm of hormone-dictated urge to breed, but I think an earlier experience is nearer the truth of my nature. ...Now I have reached great-grandmother age, I dearly love certain young people of my acquaintance and am happy to have them in my life, but am I sorry that they are not my descendants? No, I much prefer thinking of them as surprising and very gratifying friends.'


What if you don't want kids but end up with someone who has them?

I really liked this 1st person story Kids? I prefer animals in the Guardian family section from a woman who had never wanted kids but then found herself going out with a bloke with three children.  Funny, positive and poignant it points to a dilemma that childfree women can find themselves in. What do you do if you definately don't want to be a mother but end up in a relationship with someone who has them, finding yourself in the role of stepmother?  

Friday, 16 November 2012

The cost of having children - is it sensible to opt out of parenthood in order to remain childfree?

There has been debate in America sparked by this article recently published in the NYT:

I've mentioned the issue of finance and the decision about whether to have children or not several times on my blog before.  In my experience of coaching women for over six years around this issue is that finance is rarely the prime sticking point in making this decision. That is echoed by the surprise of the writer of the above piece that she found that the issue was hardly mentioned in books she had read about the subject.  I personally  believe that when someone is really struggling with the decision and hasn't already decided to be child free for instance, the logical focus on things like finance don't apply.   It's an old joke that if everyone totted up how much children cost, no one would have any!

In response, an article on the NYT Motherlode parenting blog was published called The Benefit in Dollars of Raising a Child

Interesting debate.  What are your thoughts?

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Having children over 50

One of the unintended consquences of struggling with the decision to have children or not is that, if you do decide to have a child, you could be having a child abit later in life.  I don't often see women in their 50's but I have had women in their mid 40's come to see me.  As in the case of the woman in this article, if you start tackling the decision of whether you want children or not in your mid 40's, you could end up having a child over 50.  I thought this was a great personal article exploring one woman's decision making process.

What was intersesting is that she and her partner did not have a clear discussion about the decision and had made assumptions that the other didn't want children when this wasn't the case. 

Monday, 5 November 2012

If my partner wants kids and I don't, should I marry?

Last week I appeared on the Huffington Post Live Webcast TV show on this very topic! It was abit crazy as my technology almost let me down but I managed to connect with my trusty Iphone at the last moment.  It was also difficult because I am so aware of how BIG and complicated this issue is and it's hard to fit that into a short 15 minute segement.  This discussion was also very much from the perspective of those partners who didn't want kids and who wanted to remain childfree.  I'm aware that if we were discussing it from the point of view of the partner who wanted children, it would be a very different discussion.