Mourning and embracing life

This morning, I woke up early as usual.  I like to wake up at 6:30 or 7am on the weekends ahead of everyone in the household so I can have time on my own.  I can work on my creative writing, I can do my admin for my coaching practice  and I can do fun things like watch films or TV shows on my own that I know my husband won't enjoy.  

Today, the sun had risen and the birds were singing.  Instead of doing the usual and open up my laptop and looking though and doing work, I sat outside in my garden, my face to the sun, listening to the birds, looking at the blossoms on the trees that are emerging. 

An old friend, someone I had been in touch with for many years, had died several months ago.  And last night I had several dreams about her and I felt unsettled this morning.  I thought that I was over it and I thought that the death hadn't affected me - after all we hadn't been in touch for 30 years.  But so much of that time we spent together when I was a young person at 18 was such a formative period for me, and our short friendship at this was really important. 

Looking at the blossom tree, lit by the sun, I wished my friend well on her journey.  I held the image I had most recently seen of her, as a teacher, smiling at her students which I heard that she supported with so much love. I acknowledged her pain and her sadness that led to her sad dealth by alcholism.  I then held my arms out to the sun to embrace the day and the future.