One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Monday, 20 October 2014

Motherhood wasn't for me.

Great article in the Guardian Family Section this weekend from  woman talking about her decision not to have children in this article Motherhood Wasn't for Me


Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Paying Women to Freeze their eggs - A Sticking Plaster over the issue of Inequality in the Workplace for Mothers

So this was just announced today that Apple and Facebook are going to pay women employees to freeze their eggs so they can have children later and not worry about being railroaded in their career track.  

I really feel this is problematic on so many levels.   Surely we as a society should be asking ourselves why is it more difficult for women to have a successful career once they have children than it is for men.

I also think it might give women a false sense of security - there are many factors leading to infertility and I just don't think the data is conclusive that freezing eggs leads to a massively increased fertility when you are over 40.

As a coach, I do think it would be more beneficial for these companies to pay for coaching to help women work out what they are wanting for themselves in terms of having children or not before paying for an expensive and invasive medical procedure.

But my main issue is that there are structural inequalities and discrimination faces by women and mothers needs to be addressed first.  This feels like an ineffective sticking paster on a much larger issue.

Monday, 13 October 2014

Can I persuade my boyfriend to have a child with me?

A common dilemma for many of my coaching clients - starting a new relationship this women in her early 30's is wondering if she can persuade her boyfriend to start a family.

Thinking of having a baby?

This article has some useful tips for couples who are thinking about starting a family.  Particularly useful are the 'red flags' listed towards the end.

Wednesday, 8 October 2014

Plantonic parenting arrangements get popular

 Research doesn’t yet exist on platonic parenting; it is too recent a phenomenon for that. Elaine Gordon, a clinical psychologist specializing in reproductive medicine in Los Angeles, says she looks at studies of other types of nontraditional families, such as same-sex couples and extended family members — aunts, uncles, grandparents — serving as primary caregivers. “I think if anything is done right, it’s probably going to be fine, but we don’t know what’s right yet,” she says. “There would have to be long-range research.”

In my book 'Baby or Not: Making the Biggest Decision of Your Life', I dedicate a whole chapter to the topic of co-parenting.   When you enter into a co-parenting arrangement, you are having a child with someone who you are not in a romantic or sexual relationship with.  It has been gaining in popularity as it is a way for people who do want children but don't have a partner to have support while raising a child.  I wanted to explore this in my book as I feel it a creative and interesting option that many people will not heard of or considered.

This article talks about about the development of coparenting websites in the US.

Monday, 6 October 2014

Are we too panicked about women's fertility?

Barbara Ellen on fertility panic & egg freezing in the Observer today.  I don't completely agree with everything she says in this article  but I do agree that egg freezing is such an unproven and expensive procedure that encouraging women to use it as an insurance policy is probably not very helpful. There is no guarantee that older women using frozen eggs will have a higher success of fertility and it would be even more devastating if women had counted on this as a definite option for the future.  I think prior to this support or coaching to help women work out their options and also to focus on the bigger picture - how they want to live their live, what their vision is of the future.

Saturday, 4 October 2014

Is there a 'right' time to become a mother?

'Currently, U.S. Census Bureau statistics show that the national average age for women’s first birth is 25, which can be higher on a state-by-state basis (in Massachusetts it’s 28). However, there’s no doubt that the numbers of women who wait are growing. In 2006 about one out of 12 first births were to women age 35 and over, compared to only one out of 100 in 1970. The American Fertility Association (AFA) uses an even higher number. It reports that 20% of American women now wait to have their first child until after age 35. ' from the Forbes Article When Should You Become A Mom?

One aspect in making the the decision to have children or not is whether there is a 'right' time to have children.   As the above quote shows, many more women are waiting to have their first child until after the age 35.  And, as expected, there is no consensus on when is the 'right' time to have children.

Sometimes, women who are feeling unsure of whether they want children or not feel pressured because they feel they need to have children before they are a particular age.  I do agree with this article that because it does become more difficult the older you are, it is good to try to make the decision earlier rather than later.  But I also know there are many options women can pursue if they do want children - including adoption and fostering.

Susan Sarandon - On being an older mother

'There were, she says, advantages to having a child at that point in her life.  She had sufficient resources to quite work for a while, and didn't feel guilty at leaving the Hollywood rat race.  "Because I was old - 39 when I had my first and 45 when I had my third - and my profession had been demystified.  I thought that being with my kids, at that time, was so much more interesting."  Susan Sarandon  in this article

I am finding that more and more women in their late 30's are considering the decision to become a mother (or not)  They are aware that if they do want to have children they need to make the decision fairly soon but sometimes can have fears and concerns about being a mother later than they expected. But as Sarandon points out, there are advantages to having children in your late thirties.  Often you are more established in your career, you have more life experience and as Sarandon points out in the article above, we are often searching for something 'bigger than ourselves' to give our lives meaning. And, as Sarandon says in the article, this does not have to be having children.  It could be volunteering, activism, political work.

Jennifer Ainston hits back

Why should women have to put up with speculation on the baby decision?  Jennifer Ainston has a great response. 

I want children but I don't want to sacrifice my own goals

A common tension women struggle with is how to pursue our goals and be a mother.  In this interview, an actress talks about the baby decision: