One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Thursday, 26 November 2015

Interview on BBC Radio Tees - Making the Decision to have children or stay childfree

I just appeared on BBC Radio Tees this morning talking about the decision women make to be childfree in a discussion with presenter Mike Carr and writer Kate Spicer.   Holly Brockwell, who I mentioned in yesterdays blog post was also on the programme just before us, talking about her experience.

My main point was that we need to move beyond women being seen as either successes OR failures based whether they have children or not.  One of the questions Mike asked me is what I think is helpful advice for women who are trying to decide whether to have children or not.  I think it's really important to work out whether you are being led by a fearful belief (for example, I'm worried I might not be a good mother) or not.  I also agreed with the other Kate Spicer that it's important to acknowledge that sometimes we can't have it all, that we might want children but life and circumstances have prevented that happening.

If you would like to listen to the discussion, you can go to the Listen Again Mike Carr 26 November 2015 and go to about 1 hour 22minutes in - I should appear about 5 minutes after that.  There was some discussion prior to this so if you'd like to listen to the whole segment, just rewind abit! I hope you enjoy the show!

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

Woman attacked on Twitter for saying she doesn't want children

And if any proof was needed about the stigma faced by women who decide they don't want children, this article was just published on the BBC website from a woman who featured in an article I mentioned yesterday on the blog.  The social disapproval on women who make this choice make it more difficult for women who are struggling with the decision of whether to have children or not.

"I am used to trolling as I run a women's tech website but even I was affected this time because it was so vitriolic, so personal and nasty, and so specific about me and my professional life - not even about the issue of having children which I had been writing about." - Holly Brockwell

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

I don't want children - Choosing to be Childfree

Many women make the choice to be child-free - but there is still a stigma attached to this choice.  The BBC magazine has published a great interview with several women who have made that choice.

Thursday, 19 November 2015

More women over 35 having their first child

Another report today on the larger numbers of women over 35 years old who are giving birth.

As the author of this article points out,

'For many of us, having a child well into our thirties or forties isn’t a “choice”. What about if the person you’re dating when you’re 26 isn’t the one? But even if someone does choose to delay motherhood – for whatever reason – it’s not something to feel bad about.'

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Can I afford to have children?

As this generation faces unreachable house prices, debt, skyrocketing fees for university the question of whether they will be able to afford to have children.  

Many of those who are Millennials are facing increasing debt, rising house prices and more job insecurity than previous generations.  So how is this affecting their decision to have children... or not? This fascinating article addresses this issue.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Being a single parent

I sometimes see clients who have found themselves to be in a circumstance where are considering having a child as a single parent.  It is an option that I think is very valid and can be very rewarding but also challenging. I think this article lays out the joys and challenges of being a single parent very well and she is particularly answering the question for   'women in their late 30s and early 40s, who always thought they would meet a brilliant man and have children.'

Monday, 14 September 2015

Egg Freezing: A viable solution to the baby decision?

This article which appeared in the Guardian a few weeks ago is fairly positive around egg freezing.  However I do have many questions about the promotion of egg freezing as a solution to the issue around women's fertility.  We really don't know enough about the success rates for women freezing their eggs to see this as a truly viable solution and perhaps if women had the opportunity to consider the issue more fully and positively they might decide not to have children.

Thursday, 10 September 2015

Sunday, 23 August 2015

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Having a child as an older mother

Sometimes women who are making the decision to have children or not are concerned about having a child as an older mother. Here's a good article exploring that difficult issue.

Tuesday, 18 August 2015

Simple Pleasures

Following on from my post yesterday on the drop of happiness that occurs for new parents, I wanted to share this delightful and funny letter to new parents on the simple pleasures that you do give up when you become a parent.

Although it's very true that newborn's make many of the simple pleasures in life you take for granted difficult,  as a coach, I encourage people - whether they are making the baby decision or whether they are parents who are wanting more of their life back, to decide what is important to you and how you can create space to have these things in your life - despite the challenges.  And of course, as your child gets older, you do slowly regain pieces of your old life back and you can enjoy some of these pleasures once more.

Monday, 17 August 2015

New parenthood leads to a drop in happiness

A study showing that new parenthood rarely equates with happiness!

'About 30 percent remained at about the same state of happiness or better once they had the baby, according to self-reported measures of well-being. The rest said their happiness decreased during the first and second year after the birth.'

Of those new mothers and fathers whose happiness went down, 37 percent (742) reported a one-unit drop, 19 percent (383) a two-unit drop and 17 percent (341) a three-unit drop.

Being a new parent is hard work - sleep deprivation combined with new responsibilities can weigh heavily on us.  The study showed that people's drop in happiness fell into three categories - one being the overwhelming responsibilities of new parenthood.  One of the questions I have is whether happiness rises back once children become older?