Things to weigh up in making the decision

Here is a short article with some helpful thoughts on both making the decision to have kids and on the pitfalls and good points of postponing having children.

http://parentingresources.suite101.com/article.cfm/waiting-to-have-kids-good-idea-or-not

'Types' of couples making the decision to have children or not

Here is a short article with one journalists perspectives on how people make the decision to have children or not.

http://www.clevelandbanner.com/index.cfm?event=news.view&id=9F98E468-19B9-E2E2-67BE1D3D1E2BC6AC

Interesting how he divides the couples into different types - I think I would add a few more to the list and I'm not sure about all of the types he describes.

A balancing act

Oh dear! I have realised I haven't done a blog entry for a whole month!!

I have been extremely busy in January -many new coaching clients and consultancy work keeping me very active!

Anyway, I found this interesting article in an Australian paper about the difficulties facing working mothers - reflecting a concern faced by career women trying to make the decision whether to have kids or not.

http://www.theage.com.au/national/balancing-act-20100130-n5k1.html

And the debate goes on..... should you decide against having children for the sake of the environment?

Check out what BBC Blogger Ethical Man has to say!

I saw this query on Malasyian Yahoo Answers from someone who has been in a 6 year relationship who wants kids - but her partner doesn't.

The decision to have a child easier for public sector workers

I just got this information about a new research study into employment and the decision to have children or not.

According to the researchers, the decision to have a child is easier for public sector workers due to better family friendly policies.

And the researchers will be engaging in a longitudanal study into employment and childbearing patterns.

Interesting!

Perspective from a Muslim Woman

I found this interesting blog post today from a Muslim Woman who is leaning towards the decision not to have children.

I found this article on line about the reasons why the decision to have children or not can be difficult. The author has done a survey about why people decide not to have children

The author choose to be kid-free in the end. Even though the focus on her research was on people who have decided not to have children, she highlighted many of the reasons that my clients (who haven't yet made the decision) give for their dilemma.

What is your sabeteur saying?

In the coaching I do with clients (from all over the world as I do telephone coaching as well as face-to-face coaching), I introduce the concept of 'the sabeteur'. The sabeteur is the part of us that wants to keep us fearful and stuck - it is the bit of us that sabatoges our happiness and well-being. I've found that, when people are struggling with the baby decision, the sabeteur comes out very strongly. Maybe it says 'You would be a terrible mother anyway - if you had kids' or perhaps it says 'If you don't have kids, you'll grow old and lonely.'

I get clients to give their sabeteur a personna - identify it, find out what it says and what triggers it. And then, we work to weaken it's grip - so that you can make the decision from a place of power and confidence - instead of a fearful place.

A view from a man wanting kids (or maybe not?)

I don't often read articles by men who are thinking abou the baby decision.

But this article in the Observer Women's Magazine caught my eye. The author talks about how he wonders if he has left it too late - wondering if he should have taken the decision to start a family earlier.

Most of my clients are women - and I've never been contacted by a man. But do you (or are you) know men who are struggling with this issue?

And here is an article on the baby decision from an American blog:

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-beating-the-clock-thirtysomething-women-have-babies-on-the-brain/

Advice on 'I want a baby and my partner says no'

In the Oberserver Magazine, there was this advice from columnist Mariella Frostrup to a woman in her early 40's whose husband (after previously agreeing to have children) has said no. In her advice she says this:

'If in the long-term you are not going to have a baby, which is by no means a certainty at the moment, then make sure that you are living the life you want. Would that include sharing it with a man for whom your long cherished desires are so dispensable?'

Yesterday, I was asked by a friend for my advice on what to say to a partner who is humming and hawing about having children - he would like her to wait a year when she is 40 to start trying for a baby. In coaching, I don't give advice. I ask questions and I work with clients to find a solution that works for them.

In this situation to friends and to clients I say 'What is your bottom line? What are YOU prepared to live with in your life and what aren't you?' And then - have you made this clear to your partner? If they don't agree - what do you want to do then?

Because I agree with Mariella above - life is to short to be living a life you don't want to be living.