One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Is equality between genders possible after you have children?

Rebecca Asher has written a book on the problems of maintaining equality between the genders when a couple has a child. And an article based on the book appeared in the Guardian today.

This is often a key question that the women coming to me for coaching around the their decision of whether they should have kids or not. How will I maintain equality with my husband or boyfriend when I have a baby? They do not want to be lumbered with all of the childcare and the housework and risk losing their career or business.

I think that Asher is spot on with her analysis of the situation. Equality is extremely difficult to maintain in terms of child-rearing - particuarly when the baby is young. With many women knowing the reality of the situation - through seeing their friends and work colleagues, why would we enter into it knowlingly, particularly if we aren't sure if we really want children anyway?

AND, what I say to clients who feel that they do want children but fear that they may lose themselves in child-rearing, is that I believe that life is a dance between paradox. How can we enter into something - like having a child - that we know in terms of the big picture, in terms of many women's lives can lead to situations that Asher has described while holding the intention that we will try to create something in our lives differently? How can we consciously choose to embark on a vogage with difficuly and stormy seas - and yet seek to make it our own?

1 comment:

Angela said...

My husband and I haven't had children yet, but despite the fact that I am an enthusiastic feminist, we haven't achieved equality in our home. He takes out the trash and does his own laundry. I do...pretty much all the other cleaning. It was the same with the two men I lived with in previous relationships. I'd like a book that can explain how to divide housework evenly, kids or no kids!