What if you don't want children but your husband or partner does?

Last week, I received an email from a reader of this blog.  She has found the blog really helpful but was hoping for more information and writing about women who don't want children but their husband or partner does.   She raised an excellent point as I have more often explored the subject of when women want children but their partner/husband doesn't.    This is also where the emphasis is placed in media articles who are looking at this topic.

But I do regularly get clients who don't want children or aren't sure if they want children but who are feeling pressure from partners who do want children. In fact, I'd say that I've seen an increasing number of women in this situation.  So I will be exploring this issue over the next few weeks.

It's a particularly difficult issue for women because women are physically more involved via pregnancy and women are generally more responsible for child-care duties.  Whereas a man might take the attitude that they can be a father and be somewhat more removed from the process, this isn't possible for a woman.   So what keeps a woman from simply saying 'no, I'm not going to have children?'    I know from the clients I've worked with that there are several key reasons:

• Having a certain amount of doubt whether they really don't want children OR whether there is a fear or anxiety if they overcome would allow them to make the decision.
• Feeling guilty.  Many women who come to me feel guilt around not being able to give their partner or husband what would make them happy.
• Fear that the relationship will end if they say this.
• Having a small amount of desire to have children OR having a knowledge that they might enjoy having children or a family.

In my next post, I will look at the process of working out what to do if you are in this situation.