If you don't want children but your partner does (part 2)
So what do you do if think you don't want children but your partner does?
One of the big reasons clients who are in this position cite for contacting me is because they want to really explore and get clear to themselves intially that they are making this decision for postive reasons - as one client put it 'because they are moving towards something positive not running away from something'. Sometimes clients do go through this process and realise they have been influences by old fears or beliefs that they challenge. Once they do this, they may decide that actually they do want children. And other clients go through the process, look at and challenge their fears but realise utlimately there are many positive reasons they wish to stay childfree. Either way, it is a relief to know that that you are making a positve choice.
If you know that you are not being led by old fears or beliefs, I would suggest that you do some writing about why not having children is a positive decision for you. Some of my clients find that when they get really clear about their reasons for being childfree and in a positive way, this helps their partners understand their decision. How does this decision fit in with your values and your vision on how you want to live your life.
One of the big reasons clients who are in this position cite for contacting me is because they want to really explore and get clear to themselves intially that they are making this decision for postive reasons - as one client put it 'because they are moving towards something positive not running away from something'. Sometimes clients do go through this process and realise they have been influences by old fears or beliefs that they challenge. Once they do this, they may decide that actually they do want children. And other clients go through the process, look at and challenge their fears but realise utlimately there are many positive reasons they wish to stay childfree. Either way, it is a relief to know that that you are making a positve choice.
If you know that you are not being led by old fears or beliefs, I would suggest that you do some writing about why not having children is a positive decision for you. Some of my clients find that when they get really clear about their reasons for being childfree and in a positive way, this helps their partners understand their decision. How does this decision fit in with your values and your vision on how you want to live your life.
Comments
One thing to know for sure. You are NOT broken and less of a woman just because you don't feel the urge or desire to have children. Having children is not what makes you a woman.
You can't have children now just because your boyfriend wants them. It may be that you do change your mind when you are older - but you can't make the decision now because that may or may not happen.
When I work with clients in your situation, I suggest ways to have an honest and powerful conversation with their partner. Try to set a time when you will have a good chance to talk - take some time before to breathe deeply and feel centred. It's important before that you feel confident and clear about what you are wanting. It souunds like you want a few years breathing space (which is perfectly possible as you are only 27).
If he isn't willing to give this to you, you may have to explore the possibility of letting go of the relationship.
I'm in the same situation right now, I know this was a while back when you posted this but I was curious to know what you decided on? I was trying to look for a way to contact you but you didn't have one that worked. I hope to hear back from you. Here's my email in case you can't find me thuytrang280@yahoo.com
Thanks,
Trish