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I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Sunday, 1 June 2008

I came across this blog entry at the Brazen Careerist on the decision not to have children.

I really liked the piece - it was a very cheerful and honest look at the decision to step away from the traditional 'Good Housekeeping' ideal of relationships and family life.

My favourite quote from the piece is this:

'There’s something about magazines like Real Simple and TV shows like House Hunters that depresses me. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but every time I attempt a sit on the couch post-work I am irritated by things like Everybody Loves Raymond. There’s a part of me that is suspicious that these forms of entertainment have been created to make us believe that not only are you content with your life, but you are enthusiastic about it, a subtle (or not-so-subtle, in my opinion) brainwashing of home-improving, toddler-yogaing, exasperated-but-happy-at-the-end-of-the-day, we’re-the-same-kind-of-unique status quo. Welcome to the new yuppiedom.'

The author, Holly Hoffman, goes on to say.

'When I get a case of the I-just-want-to-be-upper-middle-class blues, I daydream another life.
In this life I usually am married, or in a long-term committed relationship. Yes, I am happy and content being single, but like many, I would like to have a companion through life. I think a character in Shall We Dance? sums it up best when she says people get married so that in a world of billions, one person says they will be the witness to your life. I agree with this.
At any rate, 90 percent of me says no to kids. This is mostly a financial decision in my mind. Yes, I know you can be financially well off and have kids also, but the majority of folks are not. ...Mostly, though, this daydream life is about being able to do the things I am passionate about without any compromises or guilt feelings, such as diving tirelessly into my own businesses, having a partner who I still find sexually appealing, coming nowhere close to any variety of poop/snot/vomit, and traveling at will and on whim.'

There is so much that is WRONG with the stereotypical views of how we are supposed to be happy and fullfilled as portrayed in the media. It makes everyone wrong really! It's insulting to child-free people that their reality is somewhat less happy than those with kids.

AND, I also think it makes things difficult for those who are in the middle - trying to decide. My view is that it isn't a stark 'either you become a surbanan mum/mom' OR be a'hip, cosmopolian city girl'. Most mums I know find their way between being a mum and having a life - they are going to yoga, are environmental activities, feminist campaigners. Personally, I'm abit insulted by the stereotype that I'm either a desparate housewife or mad career woman with a team of nannies to look after her kids! Which is generally how mums are portrayed in the media - falling into one or more of these stereotypes.

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