One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit for more information about my coaching services.

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Delaying the baby decision

I saw this interesting article So Why Didn't I Worry About My Own Fertility? yesterday in the Washington Post - written by a doctor who had a personal experience struggling to have a child when she was in her late 30's.   The author explains why she delayed having children.

'I had a perfectly good reason to delay childbearing, one that would seem familiar to many of my patients: I was focused on my career. My sister and I were the first in our family to graduate from high school and the first to go to college. I just kept going. My medical degree and specialty added 11 more years to my training, and I simply didn’t allow myself much time for meeting a partner. I convinced myself that my career would be enough; my career would be my child. That all changed when I was 38 years old and my now-husband walked into the room. I don’t regret my decisions, and I am grateful for a job I’m passionate about. I’m glad I waited to find my soul mate. I just never anticipated the sacrifice it would require.'

One of the issues that some women bring to me is “when is the ‘right time’ to have children – should they wait till a certain stage in their career?”.   The blogger Grad Mommy addresses this issue in her blog entry on the 20 April 2008:

“There is so much consternation amongst graduate students about   when the best time to start a family is. I’ve heard it everywhere along the grad student - tenure continuum: wait until after classes are done, no, wait until you’ve defended your proposal, no, wait until you’ve landed your first position, no, wait until after you’ve gotten tenure. I remember a professor back in my freshman year of college saying, 'There’s never a good time to get married or have children. Just do it.' I followed his advice.”

I agree with this advice.  I can understand you might want to defer the decision to have children until you are in a better financial position or more secure in your job, but there is a danger you are waiting for an ideal situation that may never materialize

The reality is something does have to give when you are a working parent.  We can all have a working life and a family life.  But I’m not going to kid you.  You’ll have to make a compromise somewhere along the line.  I was speaking to a colleague who has pretty much decided not to have children, but she is interested in fostering.  She asked me if I thought she would have to cut down on her weekend working (she is a trainer who trains often at weekend workshops).  As much as I wanted to say “Hey, no, of course you’ll be able to foster and keep on working as you’d like.”  I had to say yes, if you are going to be a foster parent, it is unlikely you’d be able to work every other weekend.   

No comments: