'Oops... I forgot to have children'

A common misconception of women who are struggling with the baby decision is that they have been 'absentminded' in their planning to have children and have woken up when it is almost ‘too late’ to have kids. For my book, Baby or Not, I interviewed many women who were all too aware of the biological clock and the problems that she might have in conceiving.

“At 32 I wanted to be in the position of at least trying to conceive. It’s a very practical decision – I want more than one child and if we don’t start conceiving the first until my mid thirties, then I will be older when we conceive the second.” Said one of my interviewee’s Janet

 For Janet, the problem is around the unpredictability of what may or may not happen.

“You don’t know how long it will take – it took a friend only two or three months to conceive. If I was to conceive now, it would be too soon. Yet, I know it could take much longer and then if there were complications, we’d have to go for tests and procedures.”

Today, we live in a culture where the concept of “youth” has extended from the teenage/college years right into our mid-thirties and early forties. Clubbing is no longer something that is just done by students – clubbers range in age from 18 to 40.  Walking along my local high street in a boho area of London, I see 30-year-olds wearing the same gear as 18-year-olds at the next table.  Flipping open my Sunday paper, I see that Mick Jagger and the Sex Pistols are still rocking out in their 60’s.

That’s all well and good – hey it’s fun!!  We’re not as restricted as our parents’ generation – we’re not limited in our interests or dress sense.  We can have responsible jobs and feel like we are part of the urban, cool youth street culture!

The problem is while we live in a culture that blurs the boundaries between youth and middle age, our biology hasn’t shifted.  And as another one of my interviewees Emma points out:

“It’s difficult because supposedly we have all these choices – we can do anything.  Yet, ironically we have less choice when it comes to having children.  Despite IVF, our fertility is still as restricted as it was 40 years ago.”