Thinking about having a baby? Some stats for you to consider
The article is full of relevant stats and data about the impact of having a baby and this is presented in a very attractive way. What is very obvious from this article is the very different impact that having a child has on women as opposed to men. As the writer Mona Chalabi says,
'The conclusion is pretty stark: if you’re a woman who enjoys paid work or relaxing activities, having kids will cramp your style. Being married with kids also isn’t looking like a great idea according to the numbers.'
Women who have children spend much less time on leisure activities and work related activities. For men, the impact on their lifestyles is very different.
This data backs up what many of my clients know intuitively from watching women friends struggle - particularly in the early years. They know that it will be them - and not their male partner - who will have to do the bulk of the child-care and child-rearing and they also know that support for working mothers in the workplace is often not there to the extent that it could be (see my last post on Iceland for an example of a country that seems to have got it right)
However, despite all the compelling evidence that having a children does impact your leisure and work time in a negative way, many of us are still draw to having children. Looking at the cold, hard stats and your head would say 'no'. Yet, our heart is often saying a different thing all together.
When working with a client who is struggling to reconcile the tension between the head and heart, I often get clients to look how, with full awareness of the facts, they might begin to create a life that avoids some of the deep traps of motherhood. How can they discuss the issues with their partner and how can they negotiate a more equal parenting arrangement? Importantly, what are the ways that we can still live our values of independence and freedom - despite the changes and responsibilities that motherhood will bring? It may be that the small ways we can do this can help us through those difficult early years when our time is much more restricted.
In the New Year (I can't believe it's almost 2018!) I will be putting on the blog a through review of the wonderful book by Denise Carlini and Ann Davidman Motherhood: Is it for me? . I've been wanting to put a review on the blog for a while but I really want to give it the time and space it deserves. It's wonderful to have more resources for women who are struggling to make this decision!
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