When everyone seems to be having babies.... except you

A few months ago, I wrote this blog post on intrusive press speculation about when Meghan Markle and Prince Harry would be having children.  And today it was announced that the couple were now expecting their first child!

While we all want to be happy for any couple who are having a baby announcements from friends and celebrities who are having children can trigger conflicted feelings because it can seem as thought everyone in the world is having babies .... except you.

As Meghan is 37, it has been suggested that it has been relatively easy for her to get pregnant.  In this article How easy is it get pregnant at 37 like Meghan Markle?   the writer suggests that we need to put an end to scaremongering about women's fertility at later ages.

Professor Geeta Nargund, founder of specialist fertility clinic Create Fertility, says women wanting children do need to be aware of the impacts of ageing, but echoes that this shouldn’t cause panic. 

“Fertility rates decline with age. Women under 30 have a higher chance of conceiving per cycle,” she tells HuffPost UK. “Fertility rates decline sharply after the age of 35; however women in their mid to late thirties conceive naturally if they are ovulating regularly, have no known cause of sub-fertility and have maintained a healthy lifestyle when there is no male factor problem. Men’s age also has an impact on their fertility.”

Many of my clients are in their mid to late 30's and I very much agree that we shouldn't scaremonger women into believing that the situation is hopeless.  I have clients who ultimately decided to have children and went on to have children in their late 30's

 However, I've also worked with clients who have struggled with their fertility.   If you have been trying to conceive, it can feel painful when we see celebrities getting pregnant after 35.  Many celebrities many have had access to fertility treatment which will of course not be publicised and which can create a false view of how easy it has been for them to get get pregnant.

Meghan and Harry have also been quoted as saying they are happy to have 'joined the club'.   If you don't have children but want children if you are trying to conceive but are struggling or if you are trying to decide whether to have kids,  the concept of parenthood being an exclusive club that you can't join can feel hurtful.

If you are feeling this way, there are things you can do to help shift your mood and perspective:

• Remind yourself of the many ways you do belong - what communities, groups and causes are you are part of now.   
• Have a walk, spend time in nature or do a physical activity that you enjoy.  This will help change your mood and help you be mindful of what is happening in the moment now.
• Start to keep an appreciation journal.  Note 3 things you have appreciated about your day.  It could be the blue sky, receiving kind words for a friend or for a lovely meal