One to One Coaching

I offer free 30 minute telephone/Skype consultations for people wanting to find out more about coaching on the 'baby decision'. Email me at mailto:beth@ticktockcoaching.co.uk and assistant Laura will respond and arrange an appointment with you. Visit http://www.ticktockcoaching.co.uk/ for more information about my coaching services.

Monday, 24 September 2018

Sometimes we need to let go of a dream - What I've learnt in 10 years of Maybe Baby coaching (Lesson 4)

Coaching is often advertised as the way to get the life your dreamed of.  We coaches talk about the power of dreams and of overcoming our inner saboteurs in order to make our dreams a reality. So it feels like it's paradoxical for me as a coach to be talking about letting go of a dream as the way to move forward. Huh?

Sometimes it's the dreams we've held for a long time that are actually holding us back, keeping us stuck.  I realized this early on when I was coaching a client who said that all her life she had dreamed of having children within a wonderful relationship.  For various reasons, she wasn't in a relationship and now, in her late 30's she was feeling despondent and felt like a failure.    She couldn't even contemplate her options which included having children on her own because they didn't fit in with her dream.

As we worked together, we explored ways she could let go of the dream.  It wasn't her fault, it wasn't that she was 'wrong' or flawed.  Life just hadn't worked out as she expected.  In order to move forward, she needed to let go of this dream.

The first stage of letting go involves mourning.  It's important to acknowledge the range of emotions that go alongside the death of a dream.  Sometimes this is about expressing anger at the sheer unfairness of life, sometimes it's about sadness.

But then there is the release.  If you imagined your dream was sailing away from you - like a sailboat - what are your releasing?  What are you allowing yourself to embrace?  What possibilities are now open to you?

For clients who go through this process there is a sense of release and acceptance.  This can allow people to go on and explore other options.  Perhaps it's having a child on their own as a single parent or perhaps it's a child-free life?  Possibilities such as fostering don't seem like poor shadows of the dream anymore but rich and exciting options.  When we let go of a dream that is causing us stuckness and pain, we open up to new energy and new possibilities.

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